Seconds Out: Reconciliation and Divorce
Published on 26 September, 2017 | Katie Dillon
Regardless of the immediate cause of a marital break-up, divorce is seldom something embarked upon on a whim.
Quite often, in my experience, couples even in what might be regarded as deeply troubled relationships do their level best to overcome their difficulties and make their marriages work.
Ultimately, though, certain issues prove impossible to deal with and spouses choose to divorce.
That can even be after husband and wife have chosen to try again, having all but made up their minds to separate.
Such a situation is once again in the news with the revelation that the boxing champion Amir Khan is to divorce his wife, Faryal (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4905742/Faryal-Makhdoom-announces-Amir-Khan.html).
That Mr Khan informed his fans on social media of the decision is, I suppose, no great surprise as the couple’s marriage had appeared to break down in a similar fashion before they made an attempt at saving it.
Whilst few divorces are played out before huge audiences on Twitter and Facebook as well as tabloid media, the Khan’s attempted reconciliation bears certain similarities with most spouses who admit defeat.
In fact, even though we often have enquiries from individuals still angry after a domestic dispute, we always recommend giving tempers a chance to settle.
Instead of the old saying about marrying in haste, myself and my colleagues are of the opinion that being agitated is not the best frame of mind in which to approach such a life-changing process as divorce.
There is an administrative element to it. Whenever we submit a divorce petition, we are required to include another document known as a ‘Statement of Reconciliation’, demonstrating that we have given spouses an opportunity to think things through rather than end a marriage impetuously.
A second part of that paperwork requires us to make someone apparently intent on divorcing aware of trained counsellors who might be able to unpick the problems and get marriages back on the right track.
Having said that, by the time that men and women come to see us, they are generally resigned to the fact that their marriage is over.
Even so, we do whatever we can to ensure that the proceedings take place as amicably as possible.
Divorces invested with personal animosity tend to take longer to conclude. We firmly believe that litigation is not best entered into while enraged.
Not only can it extend the time taken to conclude the process but it can result in friction which lasts years, something which is to be avoided at all costs when – in particular – children are involved.
As Amir Khan has himself apparently acknowledged in one social media post, just because his marriage has been counted out, it is best to part on as good terms as possible rather than endure a lifetime of rancour.