GONE GIRL: ‘BENNIFER’, REFLECTION AND DIVORCE 

Published on 06 September, 2024 | Sarah Hewitt

From time to time, our national print media carry stories about a celebrity marriage ending in a so-called “quickie divorce”.

Such reports, of course, fail to acknowledge the fact that all divorces in England and Wales – regardless of the renown or otherwise of participants – must follow a process which is not necessarily rapid at all.

Furthermore, the human dimension is often overlooked.

As anyone who has ever been involved in divorce will appreciate, it usually happens after a great degree of soul-searching rather than concluding in a single dramatic event.

Ironically, it has taken the implosion of one of the marriages most featured in the entertainment columns in recent years to reinforce that point.

Jennifer Lopez filed to divorce fellow Hollywood star Ben Affleck last month, just over two years after they wed in Las Vegas (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cewlyx7dg15o).

However, they first became a couple – dubbed ‘Bennifer’ by the tabloid press – while making the film ‘Gigli’ in 2003.

A failed subsequent engagement and marriages to others followed before they eventually resumed their romance almost 20 years later.

As if any marriage needs additional external pressure, their time together played out under the close scrutiny of paparazzi and gossip pages.

However, I believe it’s possible to see their actual decision to separate – coming as it did, many months after the indications of marital difficulties began to surface – as evidence of how seriously couples in and out of the spotlight consider divorce.

Even though divorce does not necessarily carry the same degree of social stigma which it did in previous generations, there are still individuals for whom it represents something of a personal failure.

That is despite the fact that they are far from being alone in having to confront it. The most recent data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) showed that 42 per cent of marriages ended in divorce within 25 years of couples exchanging vows (https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/divorce/bulletins/divorcesinenglandandwales/2022).

I know just how much spouses who regard their marriages as failing weigh up divorce before taking action.

It is, I would say, particularly true not just of those couples who have to think about what might happen with their children.

There are countless clients who experience second thoughts due to having been divorced before.

The most recent figures issued by the ONS reveal that, in 2019, just under 19,000 (or 17 per cent) of divorces involved men or women who had previously been through the process.

As raw as the end of any relationship can be, it can be easier if both of those facing up to it are on the same page.

One of the most notable family law-related Supreme Court judgements in recent years saw Tini Owens, from Worcestershire, refused permission to end her near 40-year marriage because her husband, Hugh, did not want to do so (https://www.supremecourt.uk/cases/docs/uksc-2017-0077-judgment.pdf).

It was, said Lady Hale, one of the justices hearing the matter, “a very troubling case”.

Reaction to the judgement, however, did lead to a change in the law which simplified divorce.

Under the terms of the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020, spouses can apply for divorce if they reason that their relationship has irretrievably broken down (https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2020/11/contents).

Couples can also apply jointly to end their marriage.

Even so, the law includes a 20-week “cooling-off period” once an application has been made, allowing couples more time to reflect on whether divorce really is the right thing for them to do.

Just as importantly, in my opinion, is that people seek informed opinion about what it entails rather than following the counsel of family or friends.

By the time that we are approached by those wishing to divorce, they are usually convinced that it is the only way forward.

Even so, we still take time to explain clearly what it involves, so that they embark on the process with eyes wide open.

For those who have not divorced before, most of their anxiety seems to amount to a fear of the unknown.

Whether they are high-profile figures and repeat divorcés or not, simple advice can be enormously helpful in reducing the tensions which are naturally involved.