UNDER THE INFLUENCE? DIVORCE, ONLINE ADVICE AND PERSPECTIVE 

Published on 22 August, 2024 | Alexandra Marshall

Whilst many of us might try to downplay the amount of time which we spend online, we can’t necessarily ignore the increasing impact which social media has had on our lives in the last decade or so.

According to figures published in January, just over 56 million people in the UK have accounts with one or more of the major social media platforms – something which equates to nearly 83 per cent of the population (https://www.statista.com/statistics/507405/uk-active-social-media-and-mobile-social-media-users/#:~:text=The%20United%20Kingdom%20(UK)%20was,the%20population%20of%20the%20UK.).

Amongst the vast volume of content which is generated, certain themes above and beyond fashion tips and cute cat videos have appeared to strike a chord with audiences.

One is the divorce influencer: someone offering insight or advice about how to deal with the ending of a marriage.

Such accounts have become so popular, in fact, that national newspapers have devoted copious column inches in an effort to explore their appeal and find out what they can offer people facing up to the collapse of their own relationships.

There are those, of course, who disagree with the very notion of celebrating divorce with parties, cakes or jewellery.

The Spectator magazine, for instance, has argued that “any attempt to spin divorce positively….is gaslighting” (https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/the-rise-of-the-divorce-influencer/).

Although I believe that it’s important to retain the sort of perspective which it’s difficult to convey in a short post on Instagram, Facebook or TikTok, I still think that they can play a useful role in removing some of the discomfort which is still associated with divorce.

The sensitivity felt by many men and women is despite the fact that divorce is a far more frequent occurrence than in previous generations.

Data published by the Office for National Statistics (ONS) in February showed that 41 per cent of marriages within 25 years of the spouses involved making their vows – a proportion which is almost 20 per cent higher than in 1963 (https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/divorce/bulletins/divorcesinenglandandwales/2022 ).

Sixty years ago, of course, being divorced came with a stigma attached for some people but that is no longer the case.

A more liberal worldview, though, cannot in itself account for why social media commentaries about divorce find favour.

I would argue that a change in the law as much as in societal attitudes – and the advent of social media – has had an effect.

In 2022, the most significant reform of divorce law in half a century came into force.

The Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020 (https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukdsi/2022/9780348230949) removed the element of blame which had been part of the regime that had been in place.

Under the previous rules, those wanting to end their marriages were required to cite one of a number of statutory grounds for divorce, the most common of which related to the unreasonable behaviour or adultery by a husband or wife.

The new law introduced what was known as ‘no-fault’ divorce and meant applicants now only have to state that their marriages have irretrievably broken down instead of pointing the finger at their exes.

Although some commentators warned that the change would make it easier to walk away from marriages as soon as they ran into difficulties, it is more generally regarded as having limited the potential for the kind of conflict which can compound the sense that persists in some quarters that the end of a marriage is a failure.

Just as I disagree that legal reform has trivialised divorce, I don’t share the Spectator’s point of view that divorce is an entirely painful experience for everyone.

My professional experience and that of my colleagues at Hall Brown is that many divorces are completed amicably.

I believe that social media can actually help further by sharing insight to underline that, as personal as each divorce is, those going through it are not alone.

It should be said that there are some elements which many influencers cannot help with; namely, the legal practicalities of divorce.

For those things, it is always best to rely on the specialist talents of a family lawyer capable of dealing with the challenges which can arise in even the most apparently straightforward split.